


And if you open up your heart and stay so far away (Cause all the angels say, you are all to blame)

by SmolSpideyBoi



Series: Trans Jason Todd [1]
Category: Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Multi, no beta we die like men, trans!Jason
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21801676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmolSpideyBoi/pseuds/SmolSpideyBoi
Summary: In the aftermath of being kidnapped and tortured by Deathstroke, Jason's secrets come to light.
Relationships: Dawn Granger & Jason Todd, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Garfield Logan/Jason Todd (later), Hank Hall & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Everyone
Series: Trans Jason Todd [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571032
Comments: 10
Kudos: 156





	1. He only has but minutes more, you might just say goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> These chapters will, for the most part, be very short.  
> Please comment and tell me what you thought!

Jason Todd was sharp. His soul glittered with fractals like ice, cold and distant, but somehow intoxicating in its beauty. He was cold. He was deadly. He was beautiful.

He stayed distant, he kept himself sharp and cold. He allowed himself to be heavy, half razor and half silk. He built up his walls with a will of iron and steel, cold and unyielding, so they would never fall.

And then they did.

Jason was panicking. His breath was coming in short, hard gasps. His pulse was roaring in his ears, like the sound of thunder. No, like the cry of an enraged animal. His vision is tunneling, everything else spiraling away until all he saw was the needle. The light gleaming off of the sharp tip.  _ Like a knife _ , his mind supplied, and then all he could feel was Deathstroke digging a blade into his leg, flesh parting like butter, white-hot pain burning him until he was ice cold. The world slides and tilts until he’s falling again. And suddenly there are arms around him and he’s being shaken. He can hear voices far away and distorted like they’re underwater. 

He’s not just falling, he’s drowning, and the last coherent thought he had was  _ It was always too late for me to be saved.  _

_ Because he was always the poisoned one. _


	2. Lavender is always running through my blood (It's not enough.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hank is the one who finds Jason having a panic attack along with a needle full of something next to him and assumes the worst.

When Hank gets the alert on the system that an elevated and erratic heartbeat has been detected in Jason’s room he bolts for it. Because that’s pure fear in the stammering line that should be a steady continuous beat. He doesn’t even hesitate to throw the door open. He can feel himself sag in relief because the kid may be a twerp(and an annoying one too) but he’s a kid all the same and Hank’s got his back, no matter what. 

When he takes a closer look, he sees the tears glistening like gems on the kid’s cheeks and then his eyes are drawn to the needle in Jason’s hand. It takes everything in him not to shut the door and flee because he is stronger than that, and like fuck, he’ll let another kid go down the same path as he did. He can tell Jason’s not all here but he picks him up and holds him to his chest, talking to him, swearing that he’ll be okay and when he’s snapped out of it, he’s gonna kick Jasons ass for scaring him like that, _because he’s an old man dammit_ and his heart doesn’t need any more stress. Not with the life he lives and having to watch over _four_ teenagers, and Dick who's not much better.

Hank’s so lost in making sure the kid understands that he’s not alone in whatever fucked-up headspace he's in, he _almost,_ almost being the keyword, misses the kid muttering “It was always too late for me to be saved. Because I was always the poisoned one.” and his heart breaks just a little more because Deathstroke really did a number on the kid.

And it’s not like anybody else was gonna hear him so he whispered into Jason’s ear:

“I’m gonna hunt the scumbag that is Deathstroke down, let the earth open up and swallow me whole if I don’t rain hell and fire down upon the bastard like the holy ghost.”

All Hank can think of was what drove Jason to this, what made him feel like he couldn't turn to them for help. but then it dawns on him: No one probably showed Jason that it was okay to be hurt and to feel weakness. After all, he was the second protege of the bat and look how the first one turned out.

He turns to put Jason in a hospital bed and takes a moment to steel himself for what he's about to do. He takes the time to attach and I.V. drip with a mix of water, nutrients and a sedative so the kid didn't have to worry about dreams. Then, Hank pulls out a phone and dials Dick. It goes straight to voicemail "Look, kid, we've got a problem. A big one, and it, uh, involves Jason so just pull your head out of your ass and either pick up or call home." calling the tower home again feel good, but there's a darker edge to it because of all the memories attached to it. And then he intercoms everybody, the shudder in his voice all but gone "meet me in the infirmary, it's important and it's about Jason" And the deed is done because if anyone can help Jason, it's Dawn. 


	3. Duct tape scars on my honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then comes along Batman, who caught him jacking his tires, who instead of beating him like all the other criminals, bought him the first warm and full meal he’s had in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the months of radio silence. I have been going through a ton of stuff that has left me drained with no will to write most of the time. It has no true relevance to the plot, but here's a nice filler flashback for you. I hope you guys are doing better than I am, and I'm so sorry that this is all I have to offer. Please feel free to drop a comment with suggestions, ideas or even guess for what's to come next. Happy belated new year, #Make 2020 a swearword. Also, this story has some new relevance- I'm trans, and a lot of the material already in this and what's to come comes from personal experience.

Sometimes, the world deals us hands that are unfair. Sometimes the hands are more than unfair. They are devastating. And Jason was dealt one of those hands. Jason was a boy, he knew he was a boy. He had no problems with who he was or how he looked. He was a boy, as simple as that. Until he wasn’t. Until they stripped the only thing that felt like home to him and threw on a new label: Girl. He remembers being happy. He remembers being a boy until he was told he wasn’t. That despite his wishes, he was assigned female at birth, to live a life that wasn’t his, not truly. At a very young age, Jason learned that not all men are created equal, that in fact, some men are not created not as men at all. It took him four years to learn that there was a word for that: Transgender. And yes, he was transgender. After Willis was sent to prison, after Catherine died, Jason learned that living on the streets was hard, harder than living in a shitty, run-down apartment, with no legal means of income. There was a difference between being a Crime Alley kid, and a Crime Alley street kid. The difference between those two meant life and death on many occasions.   
It was luck that lead Jason to masquerading as a true boy for this long, malnutrition keeping his hips thin and narrow, kept his period at bay, malnutrition kept his chest flat and his body as thin and masculine as it was. Months of starving through harsh winters kept his face harsh and thin. The way he was, no one would ever label him as a girl, and he liked it that way.  
And then comes along Batman, who caught him jacking his tires, who instead of beating him like all the other criminals, bought him the first warm and full meal he’s had in a long time. Batman who took him in and fed him, never questioning his name, his body, his gender until that one horrid day when he woke up to blood leaking from between his thighs, and soft swells of fat on his chest. He woke to the awful realization that he was going to be told he was female yet again. He was going to be ridiculed by the first person with who he felt safe, in a long time. That day never came. Alfred, wonderful Alfred simply hugged him and told him that “If Master Bruce decides he is able to decide who other people should be, then I have raised him wrong and he clearly needs a severe re-education.” Jason felt a warmth within him that he hasn’t felt in a long time, he felt the warmth of being loved. Within hours Bruce had set up an appointment and scheduled him with a private gender therapist. Within a month and a half, he was taking his first T-shot. And within six he had grown into a new body, a new voice. But no one other than Bruce, Alfred, and one therapist knew. And Jason liked it that way.


End file.
